Mung Po Tofu Hot and Spicy

Time's Up!

2005-08-29T23:44:00.000+01:00

Just in case anyone cares, isnt Mung's new clock fabulous? (see side bar)

The time is set to GMT- Greenwich Mung Time and Mung's advice to the broken-hearted? Time is the best healer.

Bumming Around

2005-08-27T18:56:00.000+01:00

Just in case anyone cares, Mung's buttocks are feeling better, having recovered from yesterday's marathon weboggling session.

What a Bummer

2005-08-26T05:36:00.000+01:00

Just in case anyone cares, Mung is unable to sit down as for the past 4 hours, Mung's buttocks have been causing her immense and unwelcomed pain.

Oh poor Mung! Whatever have you been doing for the past 4 hours that could've have jeopardised the comfortable cushioning effect your buttocks usually provide?!

I've been sitting on my fat ass for 4 hours playing weboggle! That's what I've been doing!!

Oh Mung, that really is a 'bummer' and I offer you my genuine sympathies. What are you going to do if you cant sit down?

I'm gonna stay standing until my buttocks are back to normal! That's what I'm gonna do!!

Ho ho Mung, you silly little chipmunk! You do realise your pain is all self-inflicted! For the good of your buttocks and of yourself, you should really stop playing weboggle!

What?! That's like telling a crack addict to stop taking crack! That's what it's like!!

Ho ho ho! Oh Mung you cheeky little lemon, you!

And Mungo Was Her Name-O!

2005-08-24T04:32:00.000+01:00

Yay Mung!

There was a girl who had a blog,
And MUNGO was her name-o!
M-U-N-G-O!
M-U-N-G-O!
M-U-N-G-O!
And MUNGO was her name-o!

The Wheels On The Bus

2005-08-22T04:16:00.000+01:00

Back to school

School season is beginning so Mung puts on her thinking cap on and starts to limber up her brain:

The wheels in Mung's head go ROUND and ROUND,
ROUND and ROUND,
ROUND and ROUND.
The wheels in Mung's head go ROUND and ROUND,
All day long.

Mung Po Tofu HOT and SPICY

2005-08-21T00:21:00.000+01:00

Call the fire brigade!

For anyone who wants to say goodbye to regular bowel movements, Mung suggests them to try out the above hot sauces. Although a fervid advocate of No Pain No Gain, Mung makes an exception for this case, where the amount of Pain experienced is actually inversely proportional to the Gain achieved.

Those hot sauce bad boys burn the mouth like no-one's business. Mung hears that the best way to cool a burning mouth is the immediate consumption of dairy products, the fatter the better. Milk, sour cream, ice-cream are all good antidotes to a mouth on fire. But if fat content is the key to alleviating pain, Mung's prefers just to take a bite out of Jung's big fat juicy ass.

The Joke's On Mung

2005-08-12T03:24:00.000+01:00

So Mung disappears for only a short while but her brief absence was long enough for Jung to make up some 'funny' Knock-Knock jokes of her own:

Jung- Hey Mung, Knock knock.
Mung- Who's there?
Jung- I eat map.
Mung- I eat map who?
Jung- Ha ha ha ha! You eat your poo!! Ha ha ha ha!

It's A Hard Knock Life

2005-07-05T20:37:00.000+01:00

Mung tries out her favorite Knock Knock joke on Jung:

Mung- Knock knock.
Jung- (groan) Who's there?
Mung- Aaaaaah-cchhh.
Jung- Aaaaaah-cchhh who?
Mung- Oh, bless you.
Jung- Mung you are so stupid.

4th July- Red, White and Who?

2005-07-04T10:30:00.000+01:00

The Force of July

Who is Uncle Sam? As a tribute to the Fourth of July, Mung uses her broadband access to find out the origin of this phrase and the story behind it.

The term 'Uncle' Sam', used commonly as a personification of the United States, originates from a man called Samuel Wilson, who worked as a meat packer in Troy, New York around 1812. The barrels of meat he would recieve were stamped with the initials 'U.S.' and he joked with his workmates that the 'U.S.' was a reference to him, 'Uncle Sam'. The joke (hilarious) caught on, one thing led to another and Bob- sorry, I mean- Sam's your uncle.

Drugs are Rubbish

2005-07-02T07:55:00.000+01:00

Mung was about to chase some dragons but changed her mind when she walked past this skip:

Funnel Vision

2005-07-01T17:13:00.000+01:00

Funnel cake, an American carnival snack made by pouring batter from a funnel into hot oil and deep-frying until golden brown. Commonly served with icing sugar and ice-cream.

In this duality of naughty but nice, Mung's heart defeated Mung's head so she granted herself the pleasure of devouring the calorie-abundant dessert. As Mung chomped and gobbled through the plate of the cake, she was disappointed to find that there was in fact, no 'light at the end of the funnel'.

Left was only an empty plate and a few pounds of funnel cake to digest.

No Mung Intended

2005-06-27T05:33:00.000+01:00

So a few weeks ago Mung came across this Pun Contest in the local newspaper- 'Puns of Fun! Send in your best pun and win a prize!' Mung being the pun genius that she is, sent in ten of her best puns in hope to win but, (goodness knows why) no pun in ten did.

The Grass is Always Greener

2005-06-24T10:50:00.000+01:00

Mellow Yellow.

Mung's humour is not the only thing that is dry in this town.

The attached photograph is of the yellow grass outside Mung's door. This is what happends when irresponsible residents forget (or can't be bothered) to water their lawn. But Mung, a rolling stone that gathers no moss, cares not for sprinklers or hoses. The cheapest way to get a-rid (arid! geddit?!) of this problem is to raindance and wait for the Heavens to respond.

Mung Minds Her Own Business (Class)

2005-06-22T23:05:00.000+01:00

<
Mung's jet fuel- steak with medley of root vegetables.

If Mung was held at knife-point, and HAD to chose a favorite Westlife song, she would take it like a man and say, 'Flying Without Wings', a nice tune about a not-so-nice subject, flying being Mung's least favorite mode of transport.

But some things have to be done and this time Mung is well classy and lives the 'high' life by flying out of London on BA Business Class. Since everything is relative, Mung will compare flying BA Business Class with flying Ryanair by listing the complimentary luxuries each travelling experience provides.

What you get on BA Business Class:

Wide selection of video and audio entertainment,
3 course meal from an a la carte menu (Mung chose 'Fillet steak with medley of root vegetables'),
A real pillow,
Molton Brown toiletries,
Allocated window seat,
Little rum truffles (hic!)
Scone (pronounced sc-oh-ne, cos Mung is well posh) with small jar of jam and small tub of clotted cream,
Smiling cabin crew,
Hot towel,
Vomit bag.

What you get on Ryanair:

Vomit bag.

Double Trouble

2005-06-19T11:17:00.000+01:00

Ha ha so funny.

(Mung you are so infantile)

Mung in Cambridge

2005-06-18T22:44:00.000+01:00

Mung partys al fresco

Mung voluntarily leaves zone 1 London and hops on a train to Cambridge to attend a Garden Party (free food).
Mung hangs around the BBQ area and stocks up on not only free meat, but also on local gossip by eavesdropping on fellow garden party-goers:

Young Posh Boy 1: Did you hear about Rupert?
Young Posh Boy 2: Rah, the old boy went punting naked!
Young Posh Boy 1: Rah! How extraodinary!

Another Posh Boy: What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
Posh Girl: Looking for a boy like you.

German Boy: Hallo, wie gehts? (Hello, how are you?)
Mung: er...gut danke. (er...good thanks)
German Boy: Also, mochst du ein wurst? (So, you want a sausage?)
Mung- er...nein danke. (er...no thanks)

Mung's Top Ten Most Hated

2005-06-15T02:22:00.000+01:00

If only Mung was a lover and not a fighter. Here are Mung's Top Ten Most Hated:

Church of Scientology Free Stress Tests- Mung don't need no free test to tell her she's stressed.
Resonance FM- Listening to babies cry and dogs bark for 3 hours is not Mung's idea of fun.
Bus no.390- Mung's buttocks they come every 10-15 mins.
Counting Sheep- 3 bags full of wool later Mung is still wide awake.
Skinny men- Damn you and your fast metabolism.
Skinny women- For the love of God eat some food.
Salty Liquorice- SO NASTY!!
Bad People.
Peptides.
Constipation.

Mung's Got Sole

2005-06-01T11:41:00.000+01:00

I've got soles but I'm not a soldier.

What a chore it is to wear uncomfortable shoes! Mung click click clicks around town in her 0.5inch heels with a little help from insoles and a walking stick.

Mung Lies Back and Thinks of England

2005-05-30T14:21:00.000+01:00

Yum.

Things Mung loves about this Green and Pleasant Land:

It's green
It's pleasant
Fish
And chips.

WMD

2005-05-29T14:42:00.000+01:00

Oh woe is Mung! What fruits of success she would be reaping if not for her parasitic relationship with mundane nonsense. Perplexed is Mung as she lists the Weapons of Mung Distruction, distractions that have kept her from being a functional member of society:

Weboggle -Hours of fun followed by hours of guilt.
Helicopter game- How time 'flies'!
Self gratification- No-one loves Mung, so she might as well love herself.
Internet Pool- Mung weeps for her mispent youth.

Jung- Lost to the wind are the minutes, hours and days spent listening to the filth that comes out of that beast's mouth.

Wam Bam Thank You Pan-da

2005-05-14T22:07:00.000+01:00

This is well funny innit.

Mung, Drawn and Quartered

2005-05-13T14:31:00.001+01:00

Mung feels like she is in a Love/Hate relationship with the world. She loves it, but it hates her.

Like the nuclear centre of an atom, Mung is surrounded by persisting negativity, exerted not by electron density, but by the cruel and coarse castigations from the people she knows. Highlighted here are a few of the many heart-breaking comments that have dragged Mung's self-esteem down into the bowels of the Earth.

Stevie- Mung, you look like a fat Elvis. Why don't you become an Elvis impersonator? (How cruel.)

Abiderizzle- Mung, I thought Justin was sad until I met you. (Oh the pain.)

Waiter at Hare and Tortoise- Er, excuse me, can you hurry up? These customers need a table. (How I shed a tear into my Curry Laksa!)

Mung's parents- Mung, you bring shame to the family. (Sob!)

Jung- Mung, you bring shame to humanity. (That bitch is gon' get decked.)

Things My Girlfriend and I Argue About II

2005-05-10T01:31:00.000+01:00

When two reactive atoms collide under appropriate conditions, the result is often the redistribution of electron density and the subsequent formation of a new molecule. Unfortunately Mung and Jung are not atoms (but if Jung was an element, she'd be atomic no. 67: HO-bidium) so when they come into collision, the only matter that is generated is an angry Mung and an angry Jung.

Following on from Things My Girlfriend and I Argue About, exposed here is a snippet from a more recent argument between Mung and her evil friend:

Jung- Mung, thanks for the rap you wrote me.
Mung- THANKS?! I spent days on it and thats all you can say?! THANKS?!
Jung- What do you want me to do? Kiss your feet?!!
Mung- Why are you so aggressive?
Jung- AGGRESSIVE?!! *YOU* ARE CALLING *ME* AGGRESSIVE?!
Mung- Awright, chill out....(bitch).
Jung- What did you call me?!!
Mung- er, nothing...
Jung- Well, I dont like the way you lie about me in your blog.
Mung- Tough sh*t.

Hmph. Jung's a bitch and then you die.

Girlfriend In a Coma

2005-05-07T16:43:00.000+01:00

Girlfriend in a coma Mung knows,
Mung knows- its serious.

Along with her buffet-eating mastery, another characteristic that differentiates Jung from the rest of us, is her ability to snooze for abnormally long hours. Beggers can't be snoozers (and Mung is a little begger) so Mung has no choice but to list a few of Jung's Snoozing Stories of Shame:

After a night of boozing and snooz-, er I mean- schmoozing, a 10 minute bus journey home for Jung turned out to be a nightmare expedition from hell when she woke up 1.5 hours later in the middle of nowhere (zone3 London), with nothing but confusion on her face and a half eaten kebab on her lap.

Back at chez Mung after a three course meal at a romantic venue in Angel, digestive narcolepsy got the better of Jung as she passed out on Mung's tiny bed (under the Westlife duvet of shame) and was comatosed until noon the next day. Where did Mung have to sleep? On the floor next to Jung's cowboy boots.

Once Jung slept for so long that on waking, she had to call Mung to find out the date and the year.

Once Jung slept for so long that on waking, Mung was already married with two children and pregnant with the third.

Birthday Suits You Sir!

2005-05-02T13:19:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday Tom! Since it is the thought that counts, Mung thinks hard and calculates the distance in space Tom has travelled from the day of his birth.

Tom = hates mushrooms = 24 years old = 24 Earthly orbits around the sun.

Distance of 1 Earthly orbit around the sun = 300 million km.

24 x 300 million km = 7200 million km = 7.2 billion km!

Wow Tom, an impressive 7.2 billion km! Mung can't even walk from Burger King to KFC without panting and sweating like a sweaty panther.

New Insecticide Puts Insects Aside

2005-04-27T19:24:00.000+01:00

Mung pushes forward the FOS (frontiers of science) and contributes to the global increase of agricultural productivity by designing the novel molecule, 8,8,8a,9,9-Pentafluoro-3,4-dimethyl-7,8,8a,9-tetrahydro-3,4b,5-triaza-fluorene, a chemical potentially exhibiting potent anti-insect activity.

Mung attaches the proposed molecular structure of the new insecticide:

End to a bug's life.

Who said Mung was a GFN (Good-For-Nothing)?

Mung Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest

2005-04-22T23:27:00.000+01:00

It will B A good flight

Mung tried to catch a flight back with BA, but he said, 'You fool! I aint getting on no plane!'

White Picket Fence

2005-04-19T05:21:00.000+01:00

Right picket fence

To separate Mung from them, or them from Mung?

High Fidelity Bye Fidelity

2005-04-17T05:22:00.000+01:00

Mung loves sesame chicken.

Mung and her Mung-track mind takes advantage of being in a different area code and cheats on her love that she left back home. She is so much of a cheater that she is often mistaken for the fastest animal on Earth, that of the feline type (a cheetah, geddit?). The way to Mung's heart is through her stomache and this Chicago joint, Joy Yee, has entered her stomache, passed through the intestines, into the blood stream, and into her heart.

Mung had her fun with the Hare and Tortoise and it was good while it lasted, but now that Joy Yee is in the picture, she will have to say Laters to her ex-fav London eatery. Sorry Hare and Tortoise, but its not you, its me.

Desperate Mines Calls for Desperate Measures

2005-04-10T10:04:00.000+01:00

Ok Ok, I'm trying to stop.

Suburban Myths

2005-04-08T03:41:00.000+01:00

I know what you did last suburb.

Mung sets straight the facts about US suburbs:

Myth- They're safe and unthreatening!
Fact - They scare the sh*t out of Mung.

Myth- There are no more big mullets!

Fact - In the land of the free and the home of the brave, any mullet goes.

Myth- Everybody's cheerful and caring!

Fact - Mung is in a suburb now but she aint cheerful and she dont give no sh*t about nothing.

Mung Lives the American Dream

2005-04-07T18:21:00.000+01:00

Quenching thirst with root beer.

Oh say can you see, how Mung spends her day pledging her allegiance, declaring her independence and saying TOE-MAY-TOE instead of TOE-MAH-TOE. Sidewalks are for skipping and here is a list of today's American activities:

Shot some hoops and drank some root beer.
Hung out at a yard sale.
Hung out at K-Mart.
Bullied lunch money off a four-eyed nerd.

Things My Girlfriend and I Argue About

2005-03-29T23:57:00.000+01:00

Good friends are the Mung and Jung and good times have the Mung and Jung, however its not always rainbows and butterflies. Here are some of the things Mung and Jung have disagreements over:

Religion- Jung says its all rubbish!

Mung says one can never be too sure.

Scientific Elitism- Mung says keep science exclusive!

Jung says scientific progress should be a concern to all.

The Smashing Pumpkins- Jung says they're great!

Mung says if they were pumpkins she'd smash them.

Red Bull- Mung says they give her wings!

Jung says she aint drinking nothing that aint got no alcohol.

Shivani Gives Text-ual Healing

2005-03-25T09:49:00.000Z

Crazy doughnut queen Shivani takes a few mintues out of her busy doughnut-munching schedule and charms Mung with heart-warming text messages:

- Mung, U R rubbish.

- Where R U? Come 2 3rd Fl U lazy fat GFN*.

- BOTHERED! I am at Burger King.

*GFN= Good-For-Nothing.

There is a Light and it Has Gone Out.

2005-03-21T01:11:00.000Z

If a double decker bus,
crashes into us.
To die by your side, is NOT such a wonderful way to die.

Foolish Mung thought that it was going to be a light that would never go out. And how wrong she was. Mung bites the bullet and cuts herself loose from the chains of the cruel, cruel amino acids*:

Mung- So, Peptide. Its over.
Peptide- But but, but why??
Mung- You treat me bad innit.
Peptide- But I only treat you mean to keep you keen!
Mung- You are mean but I aint keen.
Peptide- But what about the good times??
Mung- What good times?
Peptide- But but!...But you need me!
Mung- Yeah, like a hole in the head.
Peptide- .......
Mung- So, goodbye to you forever.
Peptide-....um, maybe one last goodbye smooch?
Mung- Get out of my face.

*Peptides= chains of amino acids= euphemism for MISERY.

Love Will Tear Us Apart

2005-03-18T00:37:00.000Z

Love is fickle, that Mung knows. Why the long face Mungers?

She is regretting embarking on the love that she knew could never be. This love is tearing poor Mung apart and she thinks it is time to end it before it ends her. She put a lot of effort into this relationship and what does she get in return?

Low yields, insolubility and sh*t analytical data.

Its over, Peptides. Mung has had it with you. Goodness knows why any organic chemist still gives these miserable molecules the time of day.

Spring Has Sprung

2005-03-16T12:15:00.000Z

Such beautiful weather! The sun is shining and Mung's endorphine levels are peaking.

Mung is going tune into Magic FM and do some frolicking on the streets of London. Then she is going to go home and worry about global climate change and peptide synthesis.

Things to be :D about:

Wonderful weather
Good tunes on Magic FM
Just found a pack of malteasers in bag!

Things to be :( about:

Global warming/climate change
Mung hates peptides
Peptides hate Mung.

Queen Jungry the Eighth and Her Six Chefs

2005-03-14T19:25:00.000Z

Mung has time on her hands so she re-writes Tudor history:

There once was a Queen called Jungry the Eighth,
The Eighth Jungry to have ruled the land.
Queen Jungry the Eighth was always hungry,
Her every meal was great and grand.

Chef no.1, Mung of Aaragon,
Was her dearest chef as well as her first.
But as time rolled on and the pounds piled on,
Chef Mung's cuisine no longer quenched Jungry's thirst.

So Chef Mung had to leave and to abort,
The cooking contract that had ceased.
And a new chef was sought, at Hampton Court,
But the Pope was not too pleased.

'Oh dont be silly, dont be pedantic,'
Said Jungry to Pope on the phone.
The Pope replied, 'Am I not a Catholic??!'
And so Queen Jungry broke from Rome.

So Chef no.2 replaced Chef no.1,
As was Chef no. 2 by no. 3.
Nothing could stop Jungry from having fun,
Not even a Spanish fleet!

Six chefs in total Queen Jungry did find,
lured in by her amazing grace.
But two out of six eventually lost thier minds,
Because Jungry's hunger they could not face!

See you later! Mung is off to do some jousting.

Mouse in the House

2005-03-02T23:08:00.000Z

Two is company and three's a crowd, as Tom and his flatmate found out with the new arrival of flatmate no.3, who came in the form of a small, furry mouse. Little furry Mickey better watch out, because pest control is only one phonecall away.

Barbeque genius Mung has time to grill so she expresses Tom's hatred for the furry rodent in the form of poetry:

You are a mouse,
Get out of my house.
Catching you is tricky,
You're taking the mickey.
Excuse me for being crass,
But take your cheese, and shove it up your- !

Going Doughnuts with Shivani

2005-02-26T12:47:00.000Z

Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot Shivani.

London is suffering from a doughnut drought.

What did Mung and Shivanit get up to on Friday?

Roamed the streets
Drank apple juice from a carton left unattended
Shoved baked potatoes down their throats
Complained about being fat.

Sugar and Spice and All Things Ice

2005-02-25T00:03:00.000Z

Mung's advice to everyone: Don't eat yellow snow.

And dont eat the kebabs in Russell Sq, they're nasty.

Heaven Knows Mung's Miserable Now

2005-02-19T14:31:00.000Z

Mung was happy in the haze of a drunken hour.
But heaven knows Mung's miserable no-ow.

Things to be :( about :

It's cold, cold, cold.
Mung's getting old, old, old.
She lives in the ghetto, ghetto, ghetto.
Naughty peptides are not behaving and are ruining poor Mung's life.

In Mung's life,
Oh, why does she give valuable time,
To peptides that don't care if she lives or die ?

Shivani Dunks the Doughnuts

2005-02-17T22:28:00.000Z

Shivani is camera-shy innit.

Doughnuts always remind Mung of her friend, Shivani. Back in the day, the fried dough pastry was fat pubescent Shivani's downfall, her evil calorie-infested arch-enemy, as well as her all-time favourite snack. No circle is seen without a hole and no Shivani was seen without a doughnut. Now the duckling has become a swan but the swan is still never seen without a doughnut in hand.

Mung walks down memory lane and remembers the 21st birthday gift from Shivani- a box of 10 strawberry jam doughnuts (Sainsbury's 99p)... of which Mung had 4 and Shivani had 6.

Valentine's Day

2005-02-15T14:29:00.000Z

Kisses for my HPLC machine

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Oh Mung on the Day of Love,
What did you get up to?

Mung spent Valentine's day with her lean, mean, *HPLC machine.

*HPLC = High Performance Liquid Chromotography

Mung Sleeps With the Enemy

2005-02-10T23:45:00.000Z

Sweet dreams with Westlife.

In the cold, cold winter nights, Mung has five young Irish men to keep her warm under the covers. Or in other words, shameless Mung shamelessly sleeps under the duvet-cover of shame.

The absolute truth is that the duvet-cover was given to me as a present, in no way did I buy it from Argos/order it online from Argos (yeah Mungers).

Mung has been enlisted as a candidate for the Nobel Prize of Shame.

Goodbye Birthmark, Hello Sandals.

2005-02-07T01:59:00.000Z

Ha ha! You've got me in stitches!

Short-sighted Tom has made long-term plans by braving it through cosmetic surgery on his right foot. The stitches have been removed and we are all waiting impatiently for his little ribosomes to synthesise new skin protein to heal the wound.

Hooray for Tom! Whilst Tom limps and hobbles around the streets of London, Mung will list a few 'foot' puns to celebrate his new beautiful body part.

'Footylicious'
'Footen Tag! Ich habe ein schon Fuß!
'1 foot= 12 inches of beauty.'
'Thank f*ot it's Friday'.

Jack and the Mungbean Stalk

2005-02-03T22:35:00.000Z

Mungbean, Mungbean,
Give me an answer to,
I'm half crazy, I'm so in love with you.
It wont be a stylish marriage,
I cant afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet,
Upon a seat,
Of a bicycle made for two innit.

You're Toxic I'm Slippin' Under

2005-02-02T23:48:00.000Z

Ninhydrin

Mung loves the smell of:

Fresh daisies
Spring time
Febreeze
And the toxic chemical, Ninhydrin.

Addicted to Minesweeper

2005-01-29T01:56:00.000Z

So many mines, so little time.

Mung can't sleep, Mung can't eat.
There's no doubt, she's in deep.
Mung's throat is tight, she can't breathe.
Another click is all Mung needs.

Whoa, Mung likes to think that she's immune to the stuff, oh yeah.
It's closer to the truth to say Mung can't get enough.
Mung knows she's gonna have to face it- Mung's addicted to Minesweeper.

Tom Makes a Spectacle of Himself

2005-01-27T01:18:00.000Z

Short-sighted people

Mung and her friend Tom went to see a foreign film tonight. Since Tom is short-sighted but dislikes wearing glasses, poor Mung spent the whole movie reading the subtitles to him. Mung attaches a photograph of Tom with comedy spectacles to encourage him to wear his eyewear more often.

A Breath of Fresh Ryanair

2005-01-24T22:08:00.000Z

You have to fight for your right, to have a seat on the plane.

The cost of a Ryanair return flight (minus tax) London-Stockholm is approximately equal to one bus ride in central London. Early morning flights and scrambling for a seat do not bother Mung. What she really doesnt like is how it takes longer to travel from central London to Stansted airport than it does to fly from London Stansted to Stockholm.

The Rough Get Tough

2005-01-24T19:47:00.000Z

When the going gets tough, the Mung and the Jung get going. 'Mung and Jung?' I hear you ask. But they are such delicate little cherry blossoms! Delicate cherry blossoms my buttocks.

Bitch- Youre so silly Mung, chemistry is such a waste of time!
Mung- If it wasnt for chemistry, you wouldnt be wearing that cheap nasty synthetic plastic jacket.
Bitch-*shocked*

Man Bitch- So Jung....can I smooch you?
Jung- If it was legal, I would get my gun out and put holes in your kneecaps.
Man Bitch-*scared*

Bitch- You two are quite freaky.
Jung- Well you're a cheesy bitch.
Mung- Yes, you are a cheesy bitch.
Bitch-*weep*

Some Things Never Change

2005-01-23T22:18:00.000Z

Mung and her friends cant stop time but time cant stop Mung and her friends from doing what they do. 4 years later and some things are still exactly the way they were 4 years before:

Jung is still torn between being a Good-For-Nothing and a Good-For-Something.
Mrs is still poor financially but still is rich in wisdom and Mung-love.
Lily still has the most irregular bowel movements this side of the Atlantic.
Liane still has the most irregular bowel movements that side of the Atlantic.
Lotta is still chemistry genius by day and a Gay Fox lover by night.

And Mung, Mung is still complaining about everything but really has nothing to complain about.

Jung Is Moving Out

2005-01-22T18:56:00.000Z

Mung's friend Jung is fed up! She has had ENOUGH of the 'living' conditions her home 'provides'. Whilst poor Jung is out searching for a new abode, Mung will make a list of things that are wrong with Jung's present home:

No internet connection
No windows
Located in a zone 2 ghetto
Very far from Mung's zone 1 ghetto
No hot water.

Oh Jungers! Mungers feels your pain and wishes you luck in your house-hunting.

My Honey Prawns

2005-01-08T07:49:00.000Z

So tasty

I have composed a poem in honour of my favourite starter at Hare and Tortoise.

I love you true and I love you tender,
My favourite starter and my favourite ender.
If Prozac is to serotonin-producing,
My Honey Prawns are to appetite-inducing.
To my life, you decorate, you adorn,
With something special, my honey, Honey Prawns.

Mung Has a Good Time on NYE

2005-01-02T08:38:00.000Z

Having a good time on NYE

For every high there is a low, for every light there is a dark. The Ying is never without the Yang the way NYE with Jing is never without a Bang. Whilst the rest of the team were maximising it up in London town to the extreme, Mung was minimising it down to the other side of the spectrum, on the other side of the Atlantic.

Lucky Mung was spared from accompanying her benefactors to the 2004 Drunken-Middle-Aged-NYE Convention in suburban Chicago. Here is a list of things she did instead:

Roamed the streets trying to recruit some last minute mates to smooch at midnight. Unfortunately that didn't work so she went home and...
Tried to find some cyber-love on MSN, but that too didn't work (never works) so she...
Thought about her cool friends in London and...
Wept a few tears of sorrow. But soon got her act together and she...
Read a few pages of The Journal of Biological Chemistry and then got down to business by...
Changing into her slumber-wear and googling 'Auld Lang syne' to find the lyrics just in time for the 5-4-3-2-1 countdown.
She counted down and slumbered on the armchair until was woken by the benefactors staggering through the door.

New Years Eve

2004-12-31T07:02:00.000Z

For new year's eve, Mung's friends in London have planned an evening of doing what they do best- rampaging around town creating chaos from order and making irrational of the rational.

Lock up your sons! These people mean business.

On the other hand, a few thousand miles across the Atlantic, poor Mungers is going to be sitting at home knitting and cyber-nasting on MSN messenger.

Chicago blues

2004-12-30T07:51:00.000Z

Chicago Blues

Why Chicago gives Mung the blues:

Very far from London
Very windy
Her only friend is a 10 yr old boy.

Why Mung loves Chicago:

Nice architecture
10 yr old boy thinks she is super cool
In Chicago, Mung feels very skinny.

No poissons in Chicago

2004-12-29T23:21:00.000Z

No poissons

Chicago river is frozen- ou est les poissons??!!

Chicago Jellybean

2004-12-29T23:01:00.000Z

Chicago jellybean

Summertime in Chi-town. Fish are jumping and the jellybeans are huge.
Wintertime in Chicago. Poissons are not jumping because the river is frozen.

T-shirt Slogans

2004-12-28T02:35:00.000Z

T-shirt slogans for Mung and her friends:

For Mrs: 'My Mung went to Chicago and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'

For Lily: 'I washed geriatric genitals and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'

For Mung: 'My parents went to Chicago and all I got was this lousy perm'

For Jung: 'My friend and I went to Cairns and I ended up in a sandpit with nothing but the shirt on my back and flashbacks of my slighty fat friend Mung'.

Mung's new feotus

2004-12-24T19:15:00.000Z

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I adopted a cute lil' pikachu fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

Benevolent Mung has adopted a feotus. So cute!

Mung on the train

2004-12-24T17:52:00.000Z

Mung rides Chicago public transport in style.

Neck the halls with...

2004-12-23T00:32:00.000Z

Things I have necked in the past few months:

Cold tinned vegetable soup- Poured it down my throat at 4am in a state of confusion.
Bottle of Rose- Necked it down like no-one's business.
Pickled herring- Shoved it down my throat at Copenhagen airport in a state of confusion.
Jung Love Potion- One sip and I am eternally entangled in her web of love.

If I was...

a bus- I'd be a 'double necker'
a bird- I'd be a 'wood necker'
a cheesy British celebrity couple, I'd be 'Posh and Necks'.

2004-12-22T05:04:00.000Z

Mung's shoes

Me Without You.

2004-12-22T04:28:00.000Z

I am a sad, sad Mung.

A Mung without a Mrs is like a heart without a soul.
A Mung without a Lily is like une mer sans les poissons.
A Mung without a Gayonce is like a Dance Dance without the Revolution.
A Mung without a Jung is like a Jung without a foul mouth.

Things are just not the same without you and all this absence is making my heart grow fonder.

Booty Calls

2004-12-14T10:27:00.000Z

3am drunken calls I have received:

From Jung:
'Ahhhh....Muuung...... hic! I am at Subwaaay....S-Somebody keeps stepping on my jumper.....ahhh...my juuumper.... hic! Muuuung.....Laterzzzzz......'

From Lily:
'Mung, I am a poisson.'

From Babatunde:
'Mungbean is not my lover! And the kid is not my son!'

Declaration of Love

2004-12-07T21:54:00.000Z

Mung is my name, and Love is my game. Here are some people that I love and why I love them:

Jung- For treating me like a real lady.
Babatunde- For :a) fathering our illegitimate child, Mungatunde, and b) providing child support for little Mungatunde.
Mrs- For the unconditional love and for introducing me to Babatunde.
My parents- For feeding me as a child and for feeding me as an adult.

Last but not least,

Lilyonce- For making me seem less nasty in comparison.

Stevie's Wise Words

2004-12-02T04:24:00.000Z

Stevie's wise words:

Mung, you look like a fat Elvis.
Oh Mung, I am so sorry for stepping on your face.
Ou est les homosexuels dans ma maison??!!

Presents for Mung

2004-11-29T21:46:00.000Z

Babatunde ventured out into the ghetto today and brought me some presents:

3 rolls of toilet paper
minced beef.

Reminds me of 2003 birthday presents from Mrs:

Bag of pistachio nuts
Poster of naked black woman.

Babatunde and Mrs are both very pratical people. Where would I be without them.

Thanksgiving

2004-11-26T04:21:00.000Z

I am thankful for:

Being alive and healthy
Friends and family are alive and healthy
Babatunde is back in town
Jung is naked in my bed.

Curious Incidents of the Jung

2004-11-23T03:26:00.000Z

Weird things Jing has said to me:

Mung, my jaw hurts. Stevie has had lock-jaw twice, I hope I never have lock-jaw.
Mung, I am nasty. Can I scrub myself clean in your shower? Can I wear your favourite socks?
Mung Mung Mung, Mung-ah, Mung Mung.
Mung, I swear, I am going to stop eating and start going to the gym. I swear.

Typical Mung and Jung Conversation

2004-11-22T00:18:00.000Z

Typical Jung and Mung conversation:

Mung- Hi Nasty.
Jung- Hi Mung.
Mung- Want to go to a buffet?
Jung- But I am obese.
Mung- You aint as obese as me.
Jung- True dat, lets go.

:D

2004-11-19T05:45:00.000Z

Nasty weather. No money. Zafar hates me. Everybody hates me. Hair out of control. Why do I have to live in the ghetto.

Things to be :D about:

Jung loves me
Babatunde is back in town
Mrs is soon back in town
I have an en-suite bathroom
The ghetto ain't that bad.

Natural History Museum

2004-11-17T04:16:00.000Z

Went to the Natural History Museum last night for a lecture on Evolution and Genetics. They set up chairs in the front hall where the huge Diplodocus skeleton is and I obviously had to sit next to the dinosaur's ass. It was goddamn cold in the hall next to the dino ass and this goddamn beeping noise was pissing me off. At the end of the talk they gave out NHM pencils that glow in the dark.

Things to be :( about:

Lab still smells nasty
Labmates still hate me
Already lost glow-in-the-dark pencil.

Clumsy Mung and the Deadly Chemicals

2004-11-15T07:16:00.000Z

Today, clumsy Mung dropped a huge bottle of piperidine all over the lab and all over herself. I was then sent on the path of shame back to my home to decontaminate but am still smelling nasty. At least it wasnt acetic acid, as not only would I smell nasty, I would also have no skin.

Things to be :( about:

Lab smells nasty
Labmates smell nasty
Labmates hate me
Irregular bowel moevements.

2004-11-01T23:05:00.000Z

Mung and Mung's footwear

Find Out More

2004-10-10T22:19:00.000+01:00

More about the ones mentioned in Mung's blog:

Mystery Jung takes a gamble

Name: Jing/Jung/Evil twin
Most embarrassing moment: Falling off bus no.73 (the shame!)
Second most embarassing moment: Choking on oyster (double shame!)
Best known for: Falling off bus no. 73.

Mrs on bridge over troubled water

Name: Mrs/Tina
Favourite airline: Ryanair
Favourite person: Mung

Whats cookin' good lookin'?

Name: Tom
Hates eating mushrooms because they are fungi.
(How wierd).

Mung lives it large.

Name: Mung/Fat Elvis
Often too scared to venture into the ghetto in which she lives. So instead, she stays at home and blogs.

Stevie blossoms with the flowers.

Name: Stevie
Once stepped on Mung's face and then called her a 'fat Elvis'. Mung's face and feelings are still hurt.

Shy scandinavian beauty.

Name: Lots
Occupation: Chemistry genius
Lots plays with fire: Unsuccessfully tried to burn down Mung's flat by setting fire to spagetti.

Amino acid chain of misery.

Name: Peptide
Brings Mung: Pain and misery.
Does not bring Mung: Happiness and joy.

Mung This, Mung That. Who Is She?

2004-10-04T01:09:00.000+01:00

Tabloid Shame

Things to know about Mung:

1. Her name is Mung.
2. She lives in zone1 London.
3. She likes to believe she is right in the head.
4. Her friends are definately not right in the head.
5. Mung doesnt mind the London weather.
6. Mung has this white puffa jacket that makes her look like a chav/p-orbital.

Mung's favourties:

1. Fav food: Curry Laksa at Hare and Tortoise (Russell Square).
2. Fav road: Toss up between Camden High St and Chalk farm Road.
3. Fav word: Toss up between 'innit' and 'laters'.
4. Fav 'Little Britain' character: Marjorie.
5. Fav bus: no. 73.
6. Fav amino acid: phenylalanine.