Mung Po Tofu Hot and Spicy

Mung Lies Back and Thinks of England

Yum.

Things Mung loves about this Green and Pleasant Land:

• It's green
• It's pleasant
• Fish
• And chips.
  

posted by mung @ 2:21 PM 1 comments

WMD

Oh woe is Mung! What fruits of success she would be reaping if not for her parasitic relationship with mundane nonsense. Perplexed is Mung as she lists the Weapons of Mung Distruction, distractions that have kept her from being a functional member of society:

• Weboggle -Hours of fun followed by hours of guilt.
• Helicopter game- How time 'flies'!
• Self gratification- No-one loves Mung, so she might as well love herself.
• Internet Pool- Mung weeps for her mispent youth.

And last but not least,


• Jung- Lost to the wind are the minutes, hours and days spent listening to the filth that comes out of that beast's mouth.

posted by mung @ 2:42 PM 0 comments

Wam Bam Thank You Pan-da

This is well funny innit.

posted by mung @ 10:07 PM 0 comments

Mung, Drawn and Quartered

Mung feels like she is in a Love/Hate relationship with the world. She loves it, but it hates her.

Like the nuclear centre of an atom, Mung is surrounded by persisting negativity, exerted not by electron density, but by the cruel and coarse castigations from the people she knows. Highlighted here are a few of the many heart-breaking comments that have dragged Mung's self-esteem down into the bowels of the Earth.

• Stevie- Mung, you look like a fat Elvis. Why don't you become an Elvis impersonator? (How cruel.)

• Abiderizzle- Mung, I thought Justin was sad until I met you. (Oh the pain.)

• Waiter at Hare and Tortoise- Er, excuse me, can you hurry up? These customers need a table. (How I shed a tear into my Curry Laksa!)

• Mung's parents- Mung, you bring shame to the family. (Sob!)

• Jung- Mung, you bring shame to humanity. (That bitch is gon' get decked.)

posted by mung @ 2:31 PM 2 comments

Things My Girlfriend and I Argue About II

When two reactive atoms collide under appropriate conditions, the result is often the redistribution of electron density and the subsequent formation of a new molecule. Unfortunately Mung and Jung are not atoms (but if Jung was an element, she'd be atomic no. 67: HO-bidium) so when they come into collision, the only matter that is generated is an angry Mung and an angry Jung.

Following on from Things My Girlfriend and I Argue About, exposed here is a snippet from a more recent argument between Mung and her evil friend:

Jung- Mung, thanks for the rap you wrote me.
Mung- THANKS?! I spent days on it and thats all you can say?! THANKS?!
Jung- What do you want me to do? Kiss your feet?!!
Mung- Why are you so aggressive?
Jung- AGGRESSIVE?!! *YOU* ARE CALLING *ME* AGGRESSIVE?!
Mung- Awright, chill out....(bitch).
Jung- What did you call me?!!
Mung- er, nothing...
Jung- Well, I dont like the way you lie about me in your blog.
Mung- Tough sh*t.

Hmph. Jung's a bitch and then you die.

posted by mung @ 1:31 AM 1 comments

Girlfriend In a Coma

Girlfriend in a coma Mung knows,
Mung knows- its serious.

Along with her buffet-eating mastery, another characteristic that differentiates Jung from the rest of us, is her ability to snooze for abnormally long hours. Beggers can't be snoozers (and Mung is a little begger) so Mung has no choice but to list a few of Jung's Snoozing Stories of Shame:

• After a night of boozing and snooz-, er I mean- schmoozing, a 10 minute bus journey home for Jung turned out to be a nightmare expedition from hell when she woke up 1.5 hours later in the middle of nowhere (zone3 London), with nothing but confusion on her face and a half eaten kebab on her lap.

• Back at chez Mung after a three course meal at a romantic venue in Angel, digestive narcolepsy got the better of Jung as she passed out on Mung's tiny bed (under the Westlife duvet of shame) and was comatosed until noon the next day. Where did Mung have to sleep? On the floor next to Jung's cowboy boots.

• Once Jung slept for so long that on waking, she had to call Mung to find out the date and the year.

• Once Jung slept for so long that on waking, Mung was already married with two children and pregnant with the third.

posted by mung @ 4:43 PM 1 comments

Birthday Suits You Sir!

Happy Birthday Tom! Since it is the thought that counts, Mung thinks hard and calculates the distance in space Tom has travelled from the day of his birth.

Tom = hates mushrooms = 24 years old = 24 Earthly orbits around the sun.

Distance of 1 Earthly orbit around the sun = 300 million km.

24 x 300 million km = 7200 million km = 7.2 billion km!

Wow Tom, an impressive 7.2 billion km! Mung can't even walk from Burger King to KFC without panting and sweating like a sweaty panther.

posted by mung @ 1:19 PM 0 comments